I’m proud of my state.

By Gemma Ortwerth

I’m proud of my state. Don’t get me wrong. This country has been deeply flawed and poisoned since colonizers stepped foot on this land. As a white person, I’m ashamed, embarrassed, and disappointed in myself for how long it took me to realize this reality.

I have been shielded by my whiteness, but I also understand that oppression is systemic, propaganda is rampant, and white supremacy and patriarchal Christian nationalist views have led this nation and been behind every tragedy. History was rewritten to make us heroes, filling our heads with white supremacist ideals ingrained through our education, provided to us with whitewashed textbooks that lack context and honest depictions of the horrors we have committed.

Still, I am proud of my state.

I moved here from Missouri because my father wanted to escape a racist small town with active KKK and cross burnings. He got a government job in Montgomery County, one of the most diverse places in the country with one of the best education systems.

As an autistic, ADHD, chronically ill trans woman navigating society, I’ve been traumatized and neglected by our systems: special education, medical, legal. I’ve been a victim of the vitriol from these false narratives, yet once again, the privilege provided by my whiteness kept me from further horrors.

Montgomery County has its flaws too, but it also passed the LGBTQ Bill of Rights in 2020, the first such law in Maryland and the region. The county offers many services, and the diversity of people from all places allowed me to see the beauty, creativity, wonder, delicious food, and culture, and hear the plight of these people, even if I still don’t fully understand.

If I had grown up in Kirksville, Missouri, I would not be surprised if I was a card-carrying closeted Republican, and that disgusts me. The hubris of humanity, my own innate capacity to fall prey to misinformation. All of that is systemic, and all of that is a problem.

Maryland’s state legislature passed a bill early this year banning 287(g) agreements between local police and ICE, passing 99 to 40 in the House and 32 to 12 in the Senate. That should not be impressive. That should be baseline.

And yet, I am proud of my state.
Maryland codified trans care in our state legislation in 2023, which is amazing but still should not be a big deal. Maryland made weed legal and medical, yet there are still people with minor drug charges facing jail time nationwide.

I’m so proud of my state, and I’m so disappointed in my country.

I live in Baltimore City, and I am terrified to leave the house. I am abused physically, verbally, and in other disgusting ways almost every time I leave my home. I am proud of my state, but we the people of our country, of our world, need to do better. The future of the planet depends on it.